New ‘Local Lingo Lane’ Requires All Motorists to Speak Cork Slang or Be Fined

In a move that’s being described as “uniquely Cork,” local authorities have announced the trial of Ireland’s first ever Local Lingo Lane: a city-centre traffic lane where only drivers fluent in Cork slang will be permitted to travel.

The pilot scheme, set to launch on Patrick’s Street this Monday, will see Gardaí and language marshals stationed at entry points, where motorists must roll down their windows and “demonstrate fluency” in Corkonian lingo. Accepted phrases include “Sure look,” “Boy ya,” and “Go 'way outta that.”

Council Linguistics Officer Nuala Murphy explained:

“We’re proud of our culture, and this is a traffic-calming measure that also celebrates Cork’s rich verbal tradition. If you can’t say ‘Langer’ with conviction, we’re afraid you’ll have to use the bypass.”

Drivers who fail to demonstrate “adequate Corkicity” will be subject to on-the-spot fines of up to €80 or will be redirected to a temporary “Accent Improvement Lay-By” on the North Ring Road, where instructors will provide crash courses in phrases like “'Tis fierce close today” and “He's some man for one man.”

Vehicles with Dublin, Louth, or “suspiciously posh” number plates may be randomly flagged for additional vocabulary checks.

According to sources, future plans may include extending the scheme to a “Rebel Bus Lane”, which would only be accessible to Bus Éireann drivers who can perform a convincing impression of Roy Keane.

A local motorist, Breda O’Connell, welcomed the initiative:

“It’s about time. I was nearly flattened last week by someone from the Pale who didn’t know what ‘Hold her lit’ meant. Total disgrace.”

The Council says the move is also part of a wider tourism strategy, hoping the Lingo Lane will become “as iconic as Shandon Bells or the smell of Hillbilly’s after midnight.”

Cork Safety Alerts will monitor traffic impacts and continue to provide updates as the scheme progresses — or if it’s suddenly scrapped due to “fierce confusion.”